Entire country decides to leave things half-finished and f**k off

BRITONS have been inspired to just abandon what they were doing and fuck off.

The nation has concluded that if something involves hassle then giving up is the right thing to do.

Ice cream van operator Roy Hobbs said: “I was selling a child an ice cream but got sick of him counting out his change, so I took 20p, gave him an empty cone and drove off.”

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “I usually drive my son the whole 10 miles to primary school, but today I didn’t feel like it so I left him halfway and went to the hairdresser.

“He wasn’t happy but he’s learnt the valuable life lesson that you don’t need to finish anything you started. Who knows, one day he might be a successful politician.”

She added: “Tonight my husband’s taking me for a lovely romantic meal but couldn’t be arsed to book anywhere good so we’re going to Chicken Cottage.”

Builder Norman Steele said: “I finished building a house today. There’s no roof, windows or doors so the owners will just have to wear waterproofs and look out for burglars.”

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Farage to design posters for Trump campaign

NIGEL Farage has resigned as UKIP leader to focus on designing neo-fascist political posters for international clients.

Farage said his ‘life’s work was done’ after restoring British racial tensions to levels not seen since the 1950s. He said he was also satisfied with the referendum result.

He added: “The Trump campaign will be a big challenge. I’m thinking of using a photo of lots of Syrian refugees, but then claiming they’re all Mexicans.

“I’ve also got an idea for a swarthy looking Mexican and something along the lines of “Do you want this living next door?’. Plus, there seems to an increasingly anti-semitic tone to the Trump campaign. so that’s something I can really get my creative teeth into.”

Farage is also in negotiations with French National Front leader Marine Le Pen to design some posters to get everyone in France ‘nice and racist’.

He added: “I’m thinking of a big line of Syrian refugees, but with the slogan written in ‘Frog’.”