Experts on house prices not twats like other experts, UK decides

EXPERTS warning of a fall in house prices should be treated like wise sages while everyone else is ignored, Britain has decided.

People who understand climate change, international trade and deadly epidemics are being kept off the news in favour of anyone warning householders in Kent might have to accept slightly lower offers.

Climate scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “I was due on BBC Breakfast to talk about droughts, unliveable cities and mankind’s extinction in less than a century, which is quite important.

“Unfortunately just before I went on air it came through that house prices in Norwich had fallen by 1.8 per cent, so understandably they told me to sod off. I think they got a DIY bloke on instead to recommend doing up your bathroom.”

Remain campaigner Denys Finch Hatton agreed: “Blocked ports, food shortages and mass unemployment are all apparently trivial matters we can safely ignore.

“However six cases of ‘gazundering’ in Islington warrant a 20-minute section on Newsnight and a four-page follow-up in the Sunday Telegraph.”

Estate agent Carolyn Ryan said: “It’s them that’s irresponsible for suggesting there’s something more important than house prices.”