AN individual standing for the local council in your area holds deranged views from their radicalised corner of social media. But are they Green or Reform? Find out: 

Does my prospective councillor advocate for: 

A) The abolition of all money to be replaced with a local bartering market, with value decided by commune leaders
B) The return to the serfdom standard, because people had more connection with the land when they were owned by it

My prospective councillor has a deep and abiding hatred of a foreign country. Is it: 

A) Israel
B) All the Muslim ones except Dubai, where he lived until March

In contrast, their position on Russia is: 

A) We should make peace over Ukraine and normalise relations with them so we can focus on the real enemy: America
B) We should make peace over Ukraine and normalise relations with them so we can focus on the real enemy: Europe

My prospective councillor believes the ideal woman is: 

A) Greta Thunberg
B) Samantha Fox until he discovered she was gay and switched to Lucy Pinder

My prospective councillor is a powerful advocate for the legalisation of: 

A) All illegal substances without exception, in the belief it will vastly reduce harm of the impoverished
B) All automatic weapons without exception, in the belief it will vastly increase harm of the impoverished

What is my prospective councillor’s view on immigration, which as a member of a county council they will have no influence over whatsoever? 

A) Strongly for
B) Strongly, vehemently, forehead-vein-poppingly against

How long will my prospective councillor last in the job when they discover they will never create their planned utopia because it’s mainly budgets and bins? 

A) About three months
B) About three months

ANSWERS

Mostly As: Your prospective local councillor is a Green looney! Check out their social media to discover they advocated for the trial and public execution of JK Rowling as recently as last month.

Mostly Bs: Your prospective local councillor is a Reform looney! Check out their social media to discover they advocated for the trial and public execution of Gary Lineker as recently as last month.