Thursday, 13th May 2021

Five good things Brexit has already given me as a Leaver

by Roy Hobbs

IT looks like we’re just hours away from crashing out of the EU without a deal and finally getting our country back. Here are some of the wonderful benefits we’ve already had from Brexit.

The bitter tears of Remainers

There’s nothing I enjoy more than lording it over loser Remainers. Although, weirdly, I’m still full of toxic anger that hasn’t dissipated despite me being the winner. Still, I’m sure it’s nothing shouting incoherently about immigrants can’t sort out.

Names to call people who disagree with me

Before Brexit, if someone didn’t agree with me I’d just call them a poofter. Now I have a smorgasbord of insults to dole out, including snowflake, libtard and loony lefty. However, they’re not allowed to call me a gammon because it hurts my feelings.

A nice, warm feeling of sovereignty

I’ve got no idea what sovereignty is, but I know it’s good because Nigel Farage said so. My Remainer son says it’ll do us no good because you can’t eat sovereignty, but I don’t think he knows what it is either. It might be a type of pie.

An excuse to be publicly awful about foreigners

For years I had to put up with only being able to slag off people from other countries within the confines of my own home. Now I can do it willy nilly in public and it’s fine. The only people who don’t like it are Remainers, and they’re traitors anyway.

Being recognised as an oppressed minority

Before Brexit, white, middle-aged men like me were a minority in our own country, oppressed by women and foreigners at every turn. Now we finally have a voice and can be found braying crap on every news channel and radio station available.