Forty-Somethings A Bunch Of Whining Shits, Says Report

PEOPLE in their forties are a bunch of whingeing shits who should count their blessings, according to new research.

The Queen Mother didn't get depressed while she was kneeing Hitler in the face

Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said it was unclear why comfortably off forty-somethings should complain all the time, but he suspected it was because they were horribly self-absorbed.

He said: "Your average 40 year-old should have a good job and a nice house, a family and will be looking forward to the death of his parents so he can pay off the rest of the mortgage.

"If you're a women the worst that can happen is your husband runs off with a teenager even though she has to lift up his beer belly just to get it in, and will then leave him after a week for someone who's not suffering from stress-related impotence.

"Of course, he then ends up in a bedsit while you get the house and half his pension and you don't have to have sex with him every time you want new shoes."

Katie Wilson, 22, said: "I've just graduated from University with £30,000 of debt, I'm working in a call-centre, and if I'm lucky I might just have paid off three per cent of it by the time I'm 45. But I'm not depressed. I'm drunk."

Roy Hobbs, 85, said: "I didn't fight Hitler for six years so these bastards could take to their beds because they've got crows feet and a bald patch."