Forty-Somethings A Bunch Of Whining Shits, Says Report
PEOPLE in their forties are a bunch of whingeing shits who should count their blessings, according to new research.
Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said it was unclear why comfortably off forty-somethings should complain all the time, but he suspected it was because they were horribly self-absorbed.
He said: "Your average 40 year-old should have a good job and a nice house, a family and will be looking forward to the death of his parents so he can pay off the rest of the mortgage.
"If you're a women the worst that can happen is your husband runs off with a teenager even though she has to lift up his beer belly just to get it in, and will then leave him after a week for someone who's not suffering from stress-related impotence.
"Of course, he then ends up in a bedsit while you get the house and half his pension and you don't have to have sex with him every time you want new shoes."
Katie Wilson, 22, said: "I've just graduated from University with £30,000 of debt, I'm working in a call-centre, and if I'm lucky I might just have paid off three per cent of it by the time I'm 45. But I'm not depressed. I'm drunk."
Roy Hobbs, 85, said: "I didn't fight Hitler for six years so these bastards could take to their beds because they've got crows feet and a bald patch."