Getting thrown off plane ‘worth it to avoid stag weekend’

BEING imprisoned and heavily fined is better than going on a stag weekend, it has been claimed.

Six members of a stag party detained for fighting on the plane were “the lucky ones”, said friend Tom Logan. 

He continued: “I’m sure the lads who had a scrap on the way did so deliberately, and quite understandably, to avoid having to walk around a foreign city dressed as minions.

“At least German police are polite, unlike the ultra-competitive group of rival stags from Norwich who ran us off the track go-karting. 

“Our Bratislava hostel, where the metal bunk beds were bolted to the floor, compares badly in terms of comfort, ambience and choice of menu to Plotzensee Prison. 

“Each of us spent far more than £20,000 each on drinks, nightclub entry and lap-dances from women who loathed us with every fibre of their being. 

“And the banter. Oh God, the banter.”

Logan has advised anyone on a stag weekend to attempt to wrest the controls from their plane’s pilot rather than meekly accept their terrible fate. 

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Craft beer no stronger than normal beer, discover furious Britons

COSTLY craft beer often has the same alcohol content as normal beer, it has emerged.

Britons had been buying expensive artisanal saisons, IPAs and Berlinerweisses purely because they believed that the higher price tag equated to more alcohol.

Former craft beer advocate Roy Hobbs said: “I just assumed craft beer was stronger, why else would I buy it? It’s not like I give a fuck how it’s made.

“As far as I’m concerned, all beer is made of beer.”

Even the strongest of the popular craft beers is no more powerful than Special Brew, yet costs over four times as much.

Drinker Tom Logan said: “Last night I asked for a pint of Carl’s Pug – it’s made with yeast from the brewer’s dog’s eyelids – but the barman misheard and gave me Carlsberg.

“I stuck with that all night out of embarrassment. To my surprise I was precisely equally as drunk.

“They should ban bottled beer from having names and fancy labels, so that they all just have the alcohol content printed on them in massive numbers. Or just have one type of beer called ’Strong Beer’.”