Going into HMV 'like an episode of Goodnight Sweetheart' 


A MAN who walked into HMV instantly felt like he was transported back to a simpler time, it has emerged.

Tom Logan wandered into the store to have a look around but quickly realised he may have actually been sent back in time for a reason unknown to him.

Logan said: “At first it was lovely and quaint. And I’m pretty sure I saw Nicholas Lyndhurst playing When I’m 64 on a piano in the corner.

“Then I noticed people looking at CDs that cost upwards of £12 and magazines for £4.

“I realised that I was no longer in 2016 and I knew I must warn people. Warn them about Farage and Trump and Johnson and Thatcher. And Sam Allardyce.”

He added: “I started shouting, but then I was ejected by a security guard who had both of his arms covered in awful tattoos and I realised I was, sadly, still in 2016.”

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'Can we close the blinds?' asks incredibly annoying colleague

AN annoying twat in an office has asked if the blinds can be closed because he cannot see his screen. 

Martin Bishop, 41, has demanded that the outside world and the rare opportunity to see actual sunlight, which is gladdening everyone’s heart, be closed off so he can better populate a spreadsheet.

Colleague Sarah Muir said: “I get up in the dark. I go home in the dark. I can’t go out for lunch because I’ve got meetings.

“I need the sight of sunlight on trees, of birds flitting about, of busy squirrels gathering nuts for winter and that whiny little twat is taking it away from me.

“I’ve angled the blinds so there’s no sunlight on his screen at all, so his dull, bovine mind can focus on its repetitive task without the unwanted intrusion of joy, but he says it’s ‘distracting’ him. Tit.”

Muir added: “I’m senior to him but he’s in charge of printer cartridges so there’s no choice. But know this, Martin: I will hate you until the end of my days.”

Bishop said: “Has she got her headphones on now? Tell her to take them off. It’s rude.”