Grammar schools not prioritising middle class pupils enough, say middle class parents

MIDDLE CLASS pupils are not getting enough help to be the best at everything, say their parents. 

Research has shown a minority of grammar schools waste valuable time helping poor children who will not appreciate it, prompting concern among better-off parents with children struggling to fulfil their potential. 

Dr Helen Archer of Rugby said: “We’d all like to be the teacher who gives a bright star from the underclass the self-belief she needs to get into Cambridge, but let’s face it, it’ll never happen. 

“Even if it did the child would probably be overwhelmed by the weight of tradition, start dealing drugs and drop out or worse still end up doing manual work, while my Iain would cope very well with it all apart from his academic shortcomings. 

“Personal tutoring five night a week could send him to Oxford and with our connections, he’d be special advisor to a Tory MP within five years and a cabinet minister in 15.”

Archer’s son Iain said: “At the moment I’m mainly just into wanking.”

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Boss admits staff not really like a family to him

A BOSS’S claim that his staff are like a family to him has collapsed under very little scrutiny.

Company director Norman Steele made the seemingly heartfelt claim at his monthly staff meeting.

However employees were unconvinced because all he does is make them work really hard for the smallest possible amount of money.

Employee Tom Logan said: “I’m going through a divorce, and if this is a family Norman would let me sleep on his sofa for an unspecified amount of time.

“But I asked him and he just said ‘who are you again?’.

Steele later clarified his statement: “Well, not a family exactly. If we were family, I couldn’t sack you.

Well, I could. I sacked my brother for turning up late, so let that be a lesson to all of you.”