Grown man still telling people what he wants to do when he grows up

A 37-YEAR-OLD man with a mortgage and a child on the way is still telling people what he wants to do when he grows up.

IT channel solutions manager Tom Logan has been telling friends about his plans for when he is an adult for the last fifteen years, which involve going round the world, going back to university and actually working this time, and meeting a great girl to settle down with.

He also hopes to become a fighter pilot before joining the space programme.

Speaking between client presentations and ordering paint for the nursery he is putting together at home, Tom added that maybe he will go to South America and drop out on a beach somewhere for a few years to find himself.

He added: “I’ve just got to get this phase out of the way first and then real adult life can begin.

“I’ll go to bed when I like and grow my hair out, maybe get a tattoo sleeve.”

Logan’s wife Jane said: “If he doesn’t get that fucking spare room painted over the weekend he will get a grown up bollocking.”


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Man can't believe woman behind till isn't uncontrollably attracted to him

SHOP assistants who are friendly are just doing their jobs and do not desperately fancy their customers, men have been told.

The workers confirmed that they are trained to be nice to everyone because it encourages them to spend more money and are not inviting pathetic men to make passes at them.

Shopper Martin Bishop said: “I know I’m an incredibly attractive man because whenever I go shopping the woman behind the till always flirts with me. I can tell she’s flirting because she smiles and says hello.

“I like supermarkets best because I can do a really big shop which takes ages to beep through, maximising the time the sales assistant can spend trying to get into my pants.”

Shop assistant Emma Bradshaw said: “Oh, you mean that weird bloke who comes in twice a day? Yeah, we humour him because we think he’s a bit mental.”