Homeopath and man who buys premium petrol in committed relationship

A COUPLE who disagree on most things have been united by their love of bullshit products.

Amateur homeopath Donna Sheridan and premium petrol enthusiast Nathan Muir are politically opposed, with conflicting views on veganism, immigration and education. However they share a belief in spending perfectly good money on utter fucking nonsense.

Muir said: “I think man-made global warming is a child’s fairy tale and drive a massive Audi estate. And yes, I spend a little more for premium petrol brands called things like PlusPower Nitro TechFlow.

“My friends don’t understand, but who’s the one who may or may not be getting three miles more per gallon and a cleaner filter. Donna and I laugh at them. We call them the dirty engine boys.”

Sheridan said: “While Nathan doesn’t actually drink my horse-chestnut tea or take marigold tablets, he is absolutely behind the concept.

“Blindly committing to something with no proven effect other than reducing disposable income is at the core of who we are.”

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Man with £1 Leicester City bet reckons he’s clever

A STUPID man reckons he is some kind of god based on a frivolous bet.

Martin Bishop, 29, put £1 down on Leicester City to win the league at odds of 5000/1.

He said: “It wasn’t instinct, it was more of a calculated decision.

“It was the same kind of calculated decision that has led me to lose around £10,000 in similar novelty bets that invariably turn out to be a waste of time and money, but I had that feeling nonetheless.

“I’m not a genius by any stretch, but I am very, very smart to have done this.”

Bishop’s wife said: “He’s also put down quids on them finding the Loch Ness monster, aliens landing in Times Square and Amanda Holden giving birth to a Komodo dragon.

“Whatever happens I have a feeling we’re still going to end up living in my father’s car on a recreation ground.”