Joy as grown man falls off skateboard

BRITAIN was cheered yesterday as a man on a skateboard fell hard on his face while trying to ‘ollie’ up a kerb.

32-year-old Tom Logan, from Peterborough, was wearing wraparound shades and a ‘Hard Grind’ vest at the time of the accident, which only heightened everyone’s pleasure as his cheekbone hit the tarmac.

56-year-old Norman Steele said: “What with cutbacks, job losses and high street shops forced to close, this area’s not had an awful lot to smile about these past few years.

“But seeing this fella, who’s been clattering up and down raising everyone’s blood pressure for ages, finally come a cropper has given us a much-needed boost.

“It was marvellous to see everyone, no matter what age, colour or religion, crowding around gleefully as the skater lad asked someone to call an ambulance because he’d thought he’d twisted his knee.

“I think it says a lot about the character of people round here that no one did.”

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Government department DExEU ‘stole name from grime artist’

THE cool-sounding name of the Brexit department DExEU was lifted by senior Conservatives from an up-and-coming grime MC, it has emerged.

The 22-year-old DExEU, who has performed at live showcases with Skepta, Wretch 32 and Not3s, has recorded two mixtapes under the name but now faces legal action.

He said: “This is bullshit, man. This is total Tory bullshit.

“Nobody going to shout for a rewind of DExUE when they think it means Department for Exiting the European Union. Nobody down with that white-ass action.

“I knew that was Nadine Dorries at the back of Eskimo Dance, man, I just knew it, but I thought she was checking out the scene. Didn’t know she was going to skank me.

“How they feel if I start doing gigs as 1922 Committee? Actually, man, that’s cold. I might do that shit.”