Friday, 6th December 2019

Kids sent home from school with whole year's worth of sh*t

CHILDREN are unexpectedly appearing at the school gates with a full year’s worth of books, artwork, homework and all the other crap, parents have confirmed. 

The final week of term has seen teachers loading pupils up with every cardboard dinosaur, wall-mounted English assignment and maths book they have completed since September for parents to take home and lovingly throw away.

Mum-of-two Emma Bradford said: “F**k, I remember making that papier-mache volcano back in autumn half-term. I hated it. Why is it back to haunt me?

“I recognise school budgets are stretched but surely hiring a skip to dump all this b*llocks in could be factored in. Why am I suddenly the binman?

“As if I’m going to spend my summer evenings nostalgically looking over nine months worth of maths’ tests. As if I care.

“Now I’ve got to marshal the kids to the car, never an easy job, while carrying two armfuls of disintegrating models of the water cycle I resented making in the first place. Thanks loads.”

She added: “Teachers, your end-of-term present just got downgraded from prosecco to a chocolate orange. Deal with your own crap next time.”