Londoner convincing himself phone-stealing moped gangs are cool

A LONDONER is desperately attempting to believe that thieves on mopeds stealing your phone were what he moved to the capital for. 

Cafe manager Joe Turner has sneered at friends from his Midlands hometown who still just walk down the street using phones like total hicks.

He said: “It’s just part of the whole London vibe; street, edgy, energised by the constant buzz of paranoia whenever you hear an approaching engine.

“Disconnecting and appreciating this amazing city is incredible so the moped dudes are doing everyone a favour. Ducking into doorways has made me so many new friends.

“Who has their phone out these days? People in Nottingham? It’s not worth the sacrifice of living somewhere so awful.

“Those guys probably won’t get pop-up dirty street crime for years. If it even makes it up there.”