A MAN who had only just worked his way through last year’s stockpiled pasta is now wearily heading out to buy another carful.
Tom Logan has spent months diligently munching his way through stockpiled pasta, drinking tea with long-life milk and wiping his arse on a pallet of toilet rolls, and had almost cleared the backlog, but now he has to get more.
He said: “Oh for f**k’s sake. Again? I’d almost cleared enough of the garage to get to my mountain bike.
“I was actually looking forward to just going the shops and picking myself a ready meal for that night again, instead of boiling up yet more fusilli and opening another jar of Ragu. But I can see which way the wind’s blowing.
“So now I’m off down the supermarket to load three trolleys with non-perishable goods again, because this country’s too incompetent to keep supermarket shelves full.
“Once again there’ll be old people going without while I’ll have a year’s supply of flour cluttering up the place. When will it bloody end?”
Logan then sighed, loaded his Volvo estate with bags-for-life, and reversed out of his drive to get to Asda before all those idiot panic-buyers do.