Man has infantile phone voice for partner

AN office worker has a nauseating, child-like phone voice that he uses when speaking to his girlfriend.

“Wub woo”

35-year-old sales administrator Stephen Malley, who speaks like a normal adut the rest of the time, switches to insipid cooing drivel whenever his partner calls the office.

Speaking on the phone to his girlfriend Emma Bradford, who is a needy annoying cow, Malley said: “Hello, JLB Electronics? Oh hi pookin! How wah woo?

“Aw. Aw. Are you nice and snuggly wiv your onsie and a wubbly cuppy poos of teasy weasy?

“Can’t wait to see you pookin. I wub you.”

Malley’s colleague Helen Archer said: “He’s alright most of the time but when she calls you just want to staple his windpipe shut.

“She is always ringing up for no reason, just to get attention. And you just know she’s fucking someone else behind his back.”

Malley continued: “No you hang up.

“I’m not hanging up baby. You hang up.

“You hang up.

“No you hang up.”