Man just assumes he's getting minimum wage

BAR worker Tom Logan has not even bothered to ask his boss whether his new job pays more than the legal minimum wage.

After completing a four-hour unpaid introductory training session, Logan said he could not be bothered to clarify his pay rate.

He said: “In the current work climate, the only question I ask is whether I’m going to be getting a wage at all.

“If the answer is ‘yes’ or ‘almost definitely’, I just leave it at that.”

Bar owner, Martin Bishop said: “Of course I don’t mind people asking about their hourly rate, but only after they’ve been here at least eight months. Before that I consider it an act of insubordination bordering on deep emotional betrayal.

“I mean, I’ve rescued these people from the gutter and given them their own cloth.”

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Gerrard suffers 16 years of self awareness overnight

STEVEN Gerrard is catatonic after realising what he has done with his life since 1998.

After a fitting send-off in which Liverpool showed some signs of promise before ultimately disappointing, the former captain woke up yesterday with an overwhelming sense of futility.

Family friend Roy Hobbs said: “He calculated he could have retired a millionaire in 2002 and spent the last 13 years drunk on a yacht.

“We took him to the room where he keeps all his medals and trophies to cheer him up but he just asked whether any of them were as beautiful as a poem and started crying again.”

Clubs have been criticised for their lack of help for retired players, with many doing little more than giving them the number for Sky Sports News.

Hobbs said: “In retrospect it was a mistake reminding him he has to do this all over again in Los Angeles surrounded by people asking him why he isn’t David Beckham.”