A MAN has called in sick today so he can properly enjoy the mountain of roast lamb and vegetables in his fridge.
After deliberately forgetting that he was cooking for two people rather than 12, Wayne Hayes and his partner, Emma Bradford, finished a fraction of the food before wrapping it carefully in 34 tinfoil parcels.
Hayes said: “I made bubble & squeak for breakfast, obviously, and now I think I’ll just relax for the rest of the morning on the sofa with a hot mug of gravy and a plate of dipping parsnips.
“I’ve got a load of episodes of Saturday Kitchen recorded so it’ll be nice to curl up in front of those, while marvelling at my ability to make gas.”
Hayes has told his workplace that he cannot make it in today due to an upset stomach, an excuse he insists is factually accurate as he feels his stomach would be traumatised if he did not pop cold lamb into it at regular intervals.
Meanwhile, Bradford has taken a salad into work in a bid to feel less bloated, rejecting Hayes’ suggestion that chopped-up pigs in blankets would make a good topping.