Man thinks his job is secure

A MAN believes his job is secure, it has emerged.

37-year-old Tom Logan works as a mortgage advisor for a bank, because he will spend the rest of his working life in his comfortable position.

Logan said: “I’m in a stable, sensible job and my employer really cares about me. I never did anything crazy like trying to be a professional rock guitarist or starting a company that make role-playing games.

“I’ve always worked hard for my boss so that even in the unlikely event that business took a downturn and the shareholders started kicking off, they’d never let me go.

“Fortunately I will never end up cycling through traffic with a big cool box of strangers’ takeaways strapped to my back! Or worse still working for Amazon in their vast warehouse of woe.”

However Logan’s employer said: “Due to challenging market conditions, we are about to enter a period of review.

“We’ll be speaking to Tom later today. It’s not all bad news though. Apparently Amazon is hiring.”

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Nan started folding t-shirts in shop

A GRANDMOTHER couldn’t resist re-folding crumpled t-shirts during a visit to HMV, it has emerged.

Mary Fisher, who had popped into the store with granddaughter Emma Bradford, noticed that some people hadn’t refolded the t-shirts after trying them on and she felt she should lend a hand.

Fisher said: “No, it’s fine, really. No, really love, you get on with what you’re doing and I’ll just finish folding these.”

After folding all the clothing to her satisfaction, Fisher made all the staff a cup of tea and some sandwiches before stopping briefly to look at the Daniel O’Donnell CDs that she is definitely going to be getting as a present this coming Christmas.

Fisher added: “I’ve already got four copies of his ‘Best of’ but I’m sure they won’t remember. Anyway it is very good so I don’t mind.”

Granddaughter Emma Bradford said: “She does fold a good t-shirt. Just don’t go into Primark with her or you’ll end up there all day.”