Man with flannel shirt self-identifies as lumberjack

A 31-YEAR-OLD man who regularly wears plaid shirts is misrepresenting himself as rugged.

The manliness of finance analyst Tom Logan has come under scrutiny after his family told press that he wears chunky flannel shirts with the sleeves rolled up to disguise himself as outdoorsy.

His father Nigel Logan said: “Tom is living a lie. He comes from a long line of weedy, pallid men who are shit at lighting barbecues.

“By wearing these shirts in public, he is essentially trying to disguise himself as a tough and practical alpha male, such as Desperate Dan or Steve Jones from T4. It’s just not on.”

Logan’s adopted brother Stephen said: “The irony is that I am actually a quarter lumberjack – my grandfather was a Canadian logger.

“Whenever I leave the house with Tom, he always tells me, ‘Don’t blow my cover – if anyone asks, I chop wood for a living'”.

Logan himself said: “I don’t care what my family says – I am a lumberjack.

“Lumberjackness is not about whether or not you cut down trees on a regular basis; Lumberjackness is a state of mind.”

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Man United to buy Gary Neville-themed hotel

MANCHESTER United is to purchase a luxury hotel themed around former right-back Gary Neville.

The Hotel G-Nev, which is designed, owned and managed by Gary Neville, features a restaurant, a sauna, and a rooftop football pitch with undersoil heating and no goals.

All bedrooms feature wide-screen televisions, beds shaped like David Beckham, and complementary moustache thickener.

Guests can pay to have ‘the Gary Neville experience’, which involves taunting Liverpudlians, mis-hitting crosses, and having Peter Schmeichel suddenly berate them at random moments.

A United spokesman said: “The G-Nev is a solid, consistent, 7/10 hotel. While not as exciting as the Palais Cantona or as historic as the Hotel Giggs, the G-Nev promises a functional night’s sleep while getting under the skin of rival hotels.”

In addition to the standard ‘Gary Neville’ rooms, guests can stay in the budget ‘Phil Neville’ rooms, which are similar but more prone to disasters.