Married couple flirting on Twitter

A MARRIED couple are sending each other flirtatious tweets, horrified onlookers have confirmed.

Journalists Tom and Donna Booker have been married for three years, and inhabit the same house, yet they still choose to publicly conduct cloying conversations on the micro-blogging site.

Malley’s co-worker Julian Cook said: “He’s just tweeted: ‘Oh dear… @Donna_B rather miffed that I’m binge-watching Mad Men when she’d rather be catching up on Poldark… #SorryBabeTooSlow’.

“And now she’s replied: ‘Memo to @TomBooker – lucky you’re a looker, or you AND your bloody box sets would be out on their ear! #LoveMyHubbyReally’.

He added: “I only put up with this on the off-chance they’ll start live-tweeting their sexual intercourse.”

Donna Booker’s colleague Nikki Hollis added: “At first I thought Tom couldn’t possibly be her husband, as no sane human would send provocative public messages to someone they were sat right next to on a sofa.

“But it’s right there in their fucking bios. His says: ‘Shacked up with that @Donna_Booker for my sins… ;-)’ and hers goes: ‘@TomBooker is my hubby #LuckyGirl’.”

She added: “I don’t know why I don’t just unfollow them. I guess on some level I despise myself and feel that I deserve to be punished.”

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Tough Mudders defeated by normal conversation

INEXPLICABLY popular assault course event Tough Mudder has introduced a new obstacle that involves having a conversation about non mud-based things.

The team-building physical endurance event already featured challenges including ‘Arctic Enema’, ’Deeply Unpleasant Swamp’, ‘Shitload of Mud’ and ‘Yet Another Shitload of Mud’.

However participants have described the new obstacle ‘Basic Social Skills’ as virtually impossible.

38-year-old exercise obsessive Stephen Malley said: “You go into a hut and there’s a person in there with whom you must have a conversation about something other than physical endurance, feeling the burn or hydration levels.

“Usually all I do is bang on about Tough Mudder, or mountain biking at a push, so my mind went completely blank.

“I was on the floor holding my head, trying to make the words come out.”

Recruitment consultant Mary Fisher said: “I am obsessed with all forms of achievement, however pointless, so it’s mega tough to talk about non-competitive things.

“They need to replace this challenge with something more enjoyable, like crawling through a long underwater tunnel full of disgusting filth.”