DAVID Cameron’s cabinet ministers have proved themselves unable to smile and wave like functioning humans.
As they entered 10 Downing Street yesterday, ministers took turns to half-heartedly lift a hand while maintaining a fixed grimace that was supposed to suggest warmth and empathy.
A Tory source said: “Our public interaction coach spend days working with Iain Duncan Smith, saying things like ‘just make normal eye contact’.
“Iain replied that whenever he makes eye contact with anyone he starts to think about eating their heart.”
Climate change secretary Amber Rudd also faltered with a vacant smile that failed to conceal her true nature as a lizard alien here to plunder Earth’s natural resources.
The source said: “We’ve really got to nail this ‘cheerful greeting’ thing. The SNP lot seem quite good at it, so maybe the secret is that you’ve got to have a few drinks first.”