MOUSTACHE owners are once again ‘fair game’, according to thugs.
Britain’s annual charity moustache truce, during which it is temporarily OK for men to deviate from the heterosexual norm, ended at the weekend.
Charity moustache owner Tom Logan said: “I was in a town centre bar and these blokes were like, ‘It’s Freddy Mercury, oi Freddy you fucking poof.’
“I began explaining that my facial hair was for a good cause and not in any way linked to my sexuality or fashion sense, then realised to my horror that it was 12.01AM on December 1.
“I had no choice but to let them repeatedly kick me in the rib cage with their pointy slip-on shoes.”
Sociologist Nikki Hollis said: “During moustache truce, men can become lulled into believing it’s permanently safe them to go out looking ‘different’.
“This is not and will never be the case in Britain. Those who deviate may return home with all their teeth, but only if they’ve successfully picked them up off the floor.”
28-year-old Julian Cook said: “As a typical British lager-obsessed borderline psychopath, I think having a moustache for a good cause is ‘a laugh’.
“Other than that it’s ‘possibly gay’, unless the person is old or works on a boat.
“As such it’s a great excuse for the violence I constantly crave, probably because of angry feelings about my own repressed homosexuality.”