Miliband orders calculator watch

ED Miliband has ordered a digital calculator watch in a bid to reassure Britain he can steer it through economic turmoil.

Ready to govern

The Labour leader said the purchase would help win over swing voters who cannot bring themselves to acknowledge the existence of shadow chancellor Ed Balls.

Mr Miliband added: “The Casio Men’s Twincept Databank Calculator Watch will demonstrate that the economy is always on my mind. As well as my wrist.

“Check this out – square root of 169. Oh yes.  And I can do live currency conversions, as long as I know what the current values are.

“What’s 238 x 4.7, you say? Bang! it is…. 1118.6. You’re welcome.”

He added: “If I was running the country it would be like that the whole time.”

Senior Labour figures stressed the calculator watch would not supercede the advice Mr Miliband receives from Mr Balls, it was simply there to remind the shadow chancellor that subtracting a larger number, such as an expenditure, from a smaller number, such as a revenue, leaves you with a negative number, such as a deficit.

A source said: “Ed Balls still thinks we didn’t rack up a record breaking deficit in the two years leading up to the financial crisis. Probably because he doesn’t have a calculator watch.”

Mr Miliband added: “I can use it to write ‘gobble’.”