‘Miracle’ mum learns to stick to relevant points of story

A MUM has baffled scientists by learning to tell a story in a clear and concise way.

Donna Sheridan, 52, used to recount anecdotes in a long and confusing fashion, including people and places that had nothing to do with her eventual point, if there was one.

However after extensive coaching in a laboratory setting, Sheridan has learned to cut out tedious, unnecessary detail such as what the weather was like that day.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “We’re stunned by her new ability to convey information quickly and succinctly without digressing into the plot of Emmerdale.

“We repeatedly exposed her to examples of economical storytelling such as the film Jaws and gradually she learned to cut out irrelevant guff like whether she is planning pasta for dinner.

“We’d assumed mum anecdotes were an evolutionary trait whereby Stone Age mums protected their families from sabre-toothed tigers by keeping them in the cave listening to long, unfocused stories.

“But now this breakthrough offers hope to millions of children who suffer painful mum stories every weekend, often about rhododendrons.”

Sheridan said: “I bumped into my daughter’s old English teacher on Tuesday. Nothing of interest emerged. The end.”