A MOTHER-OF-TWO has awoken to the relaxing sound of her children being shouted at to make Mother’s Day cards while buggering up her breakfast.
Joanna Kramer surfaced from unconsciousness to the sound of her husband bollocking her six-year-old son for refusing to make a card, then turning around to bollock her eight-year-old daughter for dropping an egg on the floor.
Husband Simon was overheard saying: “Alright then draw Pokemon on the card if that’s the only way to get you to do it, just hurry the f– Just hurry up. This is a surprise for Mummy!
“Jesus Christ, I said not to touch the eggs. I said wait for me. Okay, give me the eggs. I’m not shouting at you, just give me the eggs. GIVE ME THE BLOODY EGGS!
“Stop crying. Come on, this is meant to be nice. You can carry the tray if you promise to be careful with it. Running with it is not being careful with it.”
The family then burst in through the bedroom door shouting: “Surprise!”
Joanna said: “How lovely. You know what would be a real treat for Mummy? If you’d let me f**king rest.”