Muse album cover sparks collapse of capitalism

CAPITALISM collapsed this morning, following the unveiling of Muse’s incendiary new album cover.

The cover – which fearlessly depicts a big grey fist controlling a joystick-headed robo-man – has sparked global revolution, with millions attacking banks and parliament buildings, claiming Muse have finally opened the world’s eyes to the truth.

Protestor Nathan Muir said: “I’d always assumed that money and corporations and CCTV and stuff like that were probably fine. But then, on Saturday, someone showed me the cover art for Drones, Muse’s seventh studio album.

“I was just like, ‘woah’. My entire worldview was instantly flipped on its head, and I suddenly found myself beyond the looking glass.

“I went straight out to assassinate my local MP and torch the nearest Halfords.”

US president Barack Obama, who resigned this morning, said: “I am little more than a blinkered corporate marionette, and I have Muse to thank for giving me my life back.”

Speaking from the smouldering remains of the New York Stock Exchange, banker Norman Steele said: “Muse’s fiercely intelligent and subversive album artwork has finally brought the establishment to its knees.

”Capitalism is over, finished, a distant fever dream. All fat cats like me can do now is cower in terror as the western political system is heroically re-modelled by an inexplicably popular stadium rock band.”


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Rooney breaks first two rules of Fight Club

MANCHESTER United’s Wayne Rooney flouted the first two rules of Fight Club by releasing a video of him being knocked out by Phil Bardsley.

A professional footballer by day, it has emerged that Rooney is a member of an anarchic underground boxing club by night, fighting in other members’ kitchens, motivated solely by the intoxicating joy of bloodlust.

Rooney’s cover was blown when a video emerged of the England international being knocked down by Stoke City’s Bardsley, which may prompt disciplinary action from both Manchester United and Fight Club.

A source close to Rooney said: “He’s embarrassed it was Bardsley. Someone of Wayne’s class should really be getting knocked out in John Terry’s conservatory.

“But even worse, if Fight Club get wind of this he may not be allowed to take part in Project Mayhem, and we all know how much Wayne likes to spread an anti-consumerist wave of destruction.”

A Fight Club spokesman said: “We’ve made it pretty clear. The first rule of Fight Club is you don’t talk about Fight Club. The second rule is you don’t get knocked out by journeyman Stoke City defenders.

“Actually those might be the first two rules of Manchester United.”