Neo-Nazi starting to think career opportunities may be a bit limited

A FASCIST is beginning to suspect there are no opportunities for promotion or earning a decent salary in Britain’s neo-Nazi movement.

Despite being a member of Aryan Action for 12 years, Martin Bishop has never been paid for his tireless work reading racist literature and shouting rubbish about Muslims at demonstrations.

Bishop, unemployed, said: “The actual Nazis all seemed to be pretty well-paid. Also they got free workwear, whereas I have to shell out for my own bomber jackets and ski masks.

“I put in at least 35 hours a week on useful neo-Nazi activities, but Aryan Action won’t even reimburse my train fare to demos or pay for a new swastika flag for the lounge.

“I’m also concerned about the lack of a formal career structure. No one’s asked me where I expect to be in the organisation in five years, or sent me on a training course to improve my racism skills.

“When I joined Aryan Action my mate Steve joined Vodafone. He worked his way up to regional manager on 55k and I’m still struggling to buy clothes for my kids, Adolf, Eva and Wehrmacht.”

Bishop is currently applying for a job in a local bank, but is concerned about the large SS tattoo on his neck being an impediment to customer-facing roles.

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All men are twats, says woman exclusively attracted to twats

A WOMAN only ever romantically involved with utter dickheads believes, based on her own experience, that all men are utter dickheads. 

Nikki Hollis, aged 27, is convinced that the male population is solely made up of shitbags as a result of her dysfunctional brain functioning as a shitbag-seeking missile.

She said: “It’s not just me imagining this. It’s every boyfriend I’ve ever had.

“I get the guys all the girls want: the bikers, the bad boys, the brooding alcoholics, the men with intense, complicated personal lives who still sleep with their ex sometimes to help her out. But they always turn out to be arseholes.

“My friends keep saying there are nice guys out there. Yeah? I thought Kieran was one, which is why I let him move in after a week and live rent-free while he wrote his poetry, before he ghosted me.

“Men are twats. It’s a fact. All my mates’s boyfriends are probably cheating on them. That Spanish bloke Amy went out with definitely was, because it was me he was cheating with. What can I say. The attraction was impossible to deny.

“Anyway, I’m pretty hopeful about this next date. He’s not technically single but he said something about an open relationship so at least I know he’s honest.”