A FATHER is feeling inadequate after his bastard next-door neighbour built a far superior snowman.
Tom Logan was proud of the snowman he built with the help of his two small children until looking over the fence at his neighbour’s snowman, which was three feet taller and had the perfect smile.
Logan said: “Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have let the kids get involved.
“You can see what he’s done. Everyone thought he was being community-minded clearing snow from the road at 6am, but instead he was building a stockpile. Clever. Damn clever.
“Then he’s built the body over the recycling crate, giving himself a height advantage, and I’m pretty sure he’s used a clothes prop as an internal armature.
“But how did he get such fantastic sticks and who has actual coal around? Bastard.”
Neighbour Julian Cook said: “I collected the left arm in May and the right one in October, both sourced from naturally fallen New Forest birch, and the coal I got off the internet. You’ve got to prepare.
“No you can’t go and play outside. You might break it.”