Nobody sure why wedding guest is wearing a kilt

WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.

Male attendees at the event are all in trousers apart from 38-year-old Wayne Hayes, who may be making some obscure statement about his distant Scottish ancestry.

Father of the bride Norman Steele said: “I’ve known Wayne for years, and I’m fairly sure his family are from Birmingham.

“He certainly doesn’t seem Scottish in his speech or demeanour. Maybe there’s a connection but it must be pretty obscure.

“I think he just wants everyone to see his calves.”

Guest Mary Fisher said: “Most probably he just really likes Highlander or Braveheart or another popular ‘kilt action’ movie. Or it’s just a plaid skirt and he’s a subtle cross-dresser.

“Although I think there’s an obscure law that for a wedding to be legally binding there must be a man present who is wearing a kilt for no apparent reason.”

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Holy Spirit to get spin-off testament

THE third member of the Holy Trinity is to star in its own all-new scripture, it has been revealed.

Despite being overshadowed by the more famous God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit has long been a fan favourite.

Christian Emma Bradford said: “Ever since its first appearance in the Book of Genesis, I’ve wanted to see more of the Holy Spirit. 

“He’s there in the background of the Old Testament and the New Testament, but rarely as a major character. When Jesus is doing the thing with the loaves and the fishes, I’m like, ‘What’s the Spirit up to?’

“I hope an early draft is leaked online.”

A Vatican spokesman said: “The first two Testaments set the bar high, but I can promise that the Holy Spirit dialogue is every bit as good as you’d expect from the people who brought you the Book of Exodus and the First Letter to the Corinthians.

“Promotional merchandising is difficult for a being that has no corporeal form, but promotional tongues of fire will be included in selected McDonald’s Happy Meals.”

However God fan Wayne Hayes, from Dewsbury, said: “This is just a cash-in project to distract us from the fact that they’ve been dragging their feet over a proper sequel for over two thousand years.”