Only grandma does anything when grandparents babysit

CHILDREN have confirmed that when Granny and Grandad come over to babysit only Granny actually does any work. 

Three-year-olds to 11-year-olds stated that while Grandad was technically present, Granny did their tea, their bath, read them a story, put them to bed, and dealt with any bedtime-related urine incidents while he sat on the sofa.

Tom Booker, aged seven, said: “I asked Grandad if he would get me a cup of milk. He shouted Granny and carried on reading a book about steam trains.

“Also Granny changes my brother’s nappies, plays with us, tidies up our toys, cleans up the kitchen, does drawings with us and sings us our bedtime songs. Grandad must be very tired.”

Mother Emily Booker said: “Dad’s contractually obliged to come, but the only evidence that he’s actually been present is that the TV’s on the History Channel.

“When you ask what he did, he just says ‘I’m not as good with the baby as your mother’ or ‘I did the driving’ until everyone loses the will to live.”

Tom Booker said: “Grandad just sits and does nothing. He’s my favourite. I hope when I grow up I can be like him.”

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Falling asleep on sofa linked to being a great lover

PEOPLE who fall asleep on the sofa with the TV are likely to be exceptional lovers, research has found. 

A study has proved that people who regularly nod off in the living room tend to have ‘pure dynamite in their loins’ and the sexual prowess of ‘10 lust-crazed lions in mating season’.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “It is a misconception that sofa snoozers are sleep-farting their way through life.

“Our research discovered that their sexual appetite is so powerful and their animal energy so intense that they need to switch off from it completely every evening after dinner or risk burning out.”

Roy Hobbs, who has fallen asleep on the sofa between 9pm and 10pm every night since 2004, said: “I’m slumped, head back, mouth gaping open, snoring heavily and dribbling down my chin, because otherwise my erotic charge would reach hazardous levels.”

Wife Dawn confirmed:  “Our evenings together are like one long tantric sex session, endlessly delaying the climax. Often with a half-done Sudoku on my lap.”