A MAN has received absolutely no help from the government with his plan to stop paying tax.
Office worker Wayne Hayes said: “Paying tax is clearly optional, so it’s daft to keep doing it when I can barely afford my rent. I’ve always paid it in the past but now I need to grow up and sort out my finances.
“However when I phoned HMRC and asked if they could recommend a good tax avoidance scheme they didn’t even have a leaflet to send.
“The woman on the phone even said I could go to prison for not paying tax. I’m confused now because the Queen’s not a criminal, unless she’s a lot more dodgy than she looks.
“Undeterred, I phoned a bank in the Cayman Islands. They were quite helpful until I said I’d only got £39.20 in my savings account. Seems there’s one rule for us and another for Bono.”
Hayes searched the Inland Revenue website but was unable to find any tips on putting his wealth into a Bermuda-based trust.
He added: “The government should do some ‘how-to’ videos on YouTube, perhaps with an animated character called ‘Charlie the Tax Avoidance Cat’. He’d be like Top Cat except instead of stealing fish he’s setting up shell companies with deliberately bland names like ‘Feline Holdings Ltd’.”