PARENTS of children sent to private school are again interpreting today’s GCSE results as a sign they are naturally more intelligent.
Parents believe costly tuition, extra support and smaller class sizes are just a distraction from how inherently superior privately educated children’s brains are, although they pay through the nose for them anyway.
Mum Francesca Johnson said: “It’s all due to genetics and nothing else. Knowing Pythagoras’ theorem and the main themes of The Merchant of Venice are definitely inherited traits.
“I expect the brains of state school children look like shrivelled up prunes in comparison, their synapses withered and stunted due to a lack of Latin lessons. It’s kinder to them if they leave formal education now and begin lives of mindless toil.
“My daughter Lucinda definitely owes her exam success to DNA, evolution or simply fate, and not the private tutor we got because left to her own devices the daft cow would be texting about boys 24/7.”
Dad Denys Finch Hatton said: “The numbers don’t lie. Once again private school students have achieved the best results, and all because gifted children happened to be born to affluent parents. It’s a statistical miracle.
“Imagine the injustice if an intelligent child wasn’t able to prove themselves due to financial circumstances. Luckily that has never happened and the poor ones are all thick as pigshit.”
