Friday, 28th February 2020

Parents full of sh*t, kids discover

CHILDREN have discovered their parents are total bullshitters who lie to them daily.

Surveys of three- to nine-year-olds found that mums and dads wilfully about everything from sweet availability to the games on their phones being broken.

Five-year-old Tom Logan said: “Mummy said she couldn’t push me on the swing because ‘her arm was broken’ but then she used that arm to put three bottles of wine into the trolley at Morrisons.

“Two days before she said the soft play was closed but there were kids in it as we went past, and she claims to love Daddy even though she’s always horrible to him.

“Also I was told that school would be great fun and I’d have lots of friends. Nobody mentioned the girl on my bench weeing herself because she wasn’t allowed a Capri-Sun.

“I’m now starting to doubt whether the Queen really did want to borrow my recorder for three months.

“I don’t know anything any more.”