PARENTS across the country are making every effort possible not to see their children’s Christmas plays.Ready for the first year’s production of Pink Floyd’s The Wall
The shows, ranging from Biblical epics to Cats with excessive smoke machine usage, can permanently damage parents’ respect for their offspring.
Joanna Kramer of Bolton said: I managed to see my sons performance in Oliver! last year unfortunately, I had no work commitments I couldnt get out of and I couldnt look him in the eye until February.
Seeing that puffed-up little popinjay strutting around on stage horrified me. I mean, thats how Russell Brand started.
So Ive spent the last two months embezzling money and anonymously alerted the police yesterday, ensuring Im safely behind bars for the big night.”
Lawyer Julian Cook said: My wife and I have been having an absolute nightmare with excuses and in the end theyve all fallen through.
The M4 traffic might save us, or I could drive into a concrete embankment. If I fall into a coma for a few months then the show should have just about finished.
Nine-year-old Emma Bradford said: I hope they dont let me down by turning up this year.
Im not even in the play. I just needed an angel costume to go clubbing.