A BIG block of extra mature cheddar has proven itself weak and helpless in the face of one fearless man.
Wayne Hayes took on the slab of tangy Davidstow last night after work and did not relent until all 350 grammes of it was obliterated.
Hayes said: “It was on offer in the supermarket, just staring up at me like the weak little dairy oblong it was.
“After breaking it open at the bus stop, I attacked it with some crisps and crackers at home and then finished it grated over pasta for my dinner. It was almost too easy.
“Cheese can’t beat me. While there are blocks of strong-tasting but creamy cheese in the world, it is my duty to destroy them in the only way I know. Orally.”
Hayes’s wife, Laura, said: “While he was cooking dinner, Wayne was just breaking bits off and chucking them into his mouth.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him use the resealable function on a pack of cheese.”
Hayes added: “I’m not a hero, I’m just an ordinary guy who sees a tangy yellow lump and wants it gone.”