People who tell it like it is obviously telling it like it isn’t

PEOPLE who express themselves in plain, simple terms are invariably wrong, it has emerged.

Researchers found those who are credited with ‘no-nonsense’ views are, in fact, espousing ‘yes-nonsense’ views.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said, “In East Yorkshire, for example, we found that an area claimed by ‘straight talkers’ to be overrun by immigrants turned out to be sparsely populated but with a vital cornershop owned by an Asian couple.”

The Institute also studied BBC schedules for signs of ‘rampant liberal bias’ but found it was mostly programmes about baking, dancing and John Craven standing in a field.

Meanwhile, a survey of so-called ‘pro-cycling fascists’ found no evidence of National Socialism or any plans for the mass oppression of non-cyclists.

Brubaker added: “Overall, we found those ‘telling it like it is’ were parroting something Nigel Farage said based on something Richard Littlejohn wrote for the Daily Mail based on something he heard from a bloke in a van.”