THE sickening odour of rice cakes drifting across the country has prompted a nationwide search for a person on a diet.
The snack, which can be heavily dusted with flavours while retaining the look and feel of wall insulation, is indicative of a soon-to-be-abandoned health kick.
Investigator Tom Booker said: “Our first suspect, Kelly, who works for Aviva in Norwich and talked about joining a gym, was found to have half of a Mars Bar Duo on her desk which ruled her out.
From there we followed the smell which, because it is all-pervasive is very hard to get a bead on to Rugby, but it turned out Big Janice in payroll had skipped Weight Watchers after some bad news about one of her dogs.
Were desperate for leads, and were running out of time before the culprit admits they theyre chewing reeking polystyrene and throws them away.
Chemistry lecturer Dr Mary Fisher said: Rice cakes smell worse than a dead body jammed in the air conditioning, but at least if the latter occurs at work everyone gets the afternoon off.
The rice cakes are usually flourished with pious superiority for three days until theyre stuck in a drawer where theyll languish unchanged forever.
In the distant future they will be unearthed by highly advanced cockroaches, who will see them as one of the reasons why humanity died out.”