REMEMBER when you thought you’d die of something cool, and not from a sedentary lifestyle and poor genes? You were convinced these five things would kill you:
Piranhas
On TV, thrashing pools of radioactive piranhas devoured heroes in seconds, leaving only skeletons behind. If it could happen to Daffy Duck it could happen to you too. That’s why you refused to go in the sea at Morecambe for three years straight.
Spontaneous human combustion
Images of an old lady who exploded in her kitchen were there whenever you closed your eight-year-old eyes. The worst bit was that it was spontaneous, so it could happen right when you were about to win at Sports Day or snog someone at a school disco.
The Bermuda Triangle
As a kid you never understood it why adults and governments weren’t obsessed with the pressing problem of a triangle of sea where planes and ships disappeared, even when Barry Manilow sang about it. Many were the school trips that you worried your coach to Rhyl would be drawn off-course and you’d end up there.
Global thermonuclear war
Foolish, impressionable children worried about this in the Cold War, but there’s no need to fear now nuclear arms are only held by sober, serious countries like Russia, China, the USA, India, Israel and Britain.
Tornados
Though unusual, you heard rumours of tornadoes in the UK and spent every waking moment preparing for one. It was frankly shocking that neither parents nor teachers had a plan for being carried away in a wind vortex to the top of the BT Tower.
Killer bees
While you were appropriately scared of king cobras and great white sharks turning up in Nantwich, it was killer bees kept you inside in the summer. Every year a new, deadly type was swarming here from Africa to sting you to death on your 13th birthday before you even got to use your Walkman.
