Public marriage proposal wins woman’s heart with intimidation

A COUPLE are getting married after a man placed the woman he loves in an incredibly stressful situation without warning her.

Tom Logan unexpectedly proposed to girlfriend Nikki Hollis during someone else’s wedding, at which all their friends and relatives were present and a light aircraft flew overhead with the banner ‘NIKKI WILL YOU MARRY ME?’.

Electrician Logan said: “Nikki definitely wasn’t expecting it because when I proposed she was so overcome with surprise and joy her jaw completely dropped.

“It was nice that my parents could be there. Luckily I was sure Nikki would say ‘yes’, so there wasn’t any chance of her looking like a cold-hearted bitch for rejecting their beloved son.

“I was worried when she hesitated a bit, but I think the 80 or so people staring at her expectantly reassured her she was making the right decision.

“Right now we’re both overjoyed to be getting married. Nikki says we should have a really long engagement to give us time to plan the perfect wedding.”

Hollis said: “When Tom proposed in front of all those people everything seemed to slow down, like that time I swerved to avoid hitting a fox and ended up in a ditch.

“It was a surprise but then relationships are full of surprises, such as engaged people splitting up before they’ve done something really hard to get out of like buying a flat together.”


Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

Goalkeeper at five-a-side looks suspiciously like Joe Hart

THE opposition goalkeeper in a Goals five-a-side league match near Manchester looks a lot like Joe Hart, players have reported.

Tom Logan, 48, who captains Real Kebab, was surprised to find the goalkeeper of the opposing team, Scratch Of The Day, already in the caged astroturf pitch 15 minutes before kick-off and doing an oddly athletic warm-up.

Tom Logan said: “He was there with someone who looked a lot like a coach and he was making a series of incredibly agile saves.

“The traditional warm-up for a five-a-side game in this league is to down some Lucozade, burp a lot and then rush off for a piss against the clubhouse wall, so you could say he stood out.

“He also was six foot four, had training kit with the initials ‘JH” on it and looked exactly like Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Hart, that also gave him away.”

In the end, Hart was left out in favour of the team’s first-choice goalkeeper Wayne Hayes, who turned up late after nearly getting in a fist fight when someone cut him up in the car park.