AS the prime minister is set to unveil the roadmap out of lockdown, the British public just wants to know when they can resume shooting game birds with guns.
Having gone months without shooting a single grouse or pheasant, the entire nation is anxiously waiting to hear when restrictions placed on the popular blood sport will be lifted.
Mum of three Helen Archer said: “Juggling my kids and my job for a third lockdown has been rough, but it pales in comparison to not being able to put a bullet through a grouse’s head or neck with a .22 caliber smoothbore shotgun on a daily basis.
“Even if we’re not allowed to wear those silly tweed jackets and have to settle for ground sluicing instead of shooting them in the air, it’ll just be nice to have that little piece of normality back.”
Primary school teacher Joe Turner agreed: “It’s the only thing my pupils have been asking over Zoom. ‘Sir, when will we be able to pump lead into a defenceless bird again?’ I just hope they’re not let down.
“Being able to visit family is all well and good, but let’s get our priorities straight. Only once we’ve legalised discharging a firearm into birds can we focus on such trivia.”