A LOUD chorus of tut-tutting will sort out Britain’s scumbags, it was confirmed last night.
Across the country utter pieces of shit admitted they would be powerless in the face of a public disapproval onslaught.
Their humiliating surrender was a victory for David Cameron and his magnificent decision to use Father’s Day to launch his invincible opinion about fathers.
The prime minister said: “Like drink-drivers, runaway dads have blown into a bag. They should be held responsible for that.
“If you see one, wag your finger and tell him to stop acting the goat.
“You’ll know you’ve touched a raw nerve if he lunges at your chest with a broken bottle.”
Sociologist, Dr Tom Logan, said: “Absentee fathers are exactly like drunk drivers, especially if the car is really drunk too and they both decide to go for a dirty spin behind KFC.”
Wayne Hayes, a father of at least four from Darlington, vowed to begin an extensive pub crawl this morning in a bid to find out where his children live.
He added: “My entire life has been a relentless quest for the approval of Daily Telegraph readers.”
“I can’t believe I got it so wrong.”