A LETTING agent is advising prospective tenants who do not want to live in a shithole to manage their expectations.
Julian Cook of Julian Cook Letting believes he can pair you and your ideal home with the minor caveat that, given your means, it will be a dungeon above a phone shop in the horrible end of Catford.
He continued: “Yeah, I mean shitholes, if you’re lucky we might be able to find one where rent’s not caught up to the market yet. Had one with an oven next to the bed that went for £1,700pcm. No, I tell a lie, £1,850, we had to go over the asking.
“Now for your range we can’t really offer you a place where you’re comfortably able to sleep, eat or work – assume you’re doing all three? – but I guess that’s not an issue or you’d have more money.
“Oh, and some kind of mould problem is an absolute guarantee. Is contracting a spore-based illness a dealbreaker for you? Because I can’t be wasting my time.”
Renters Lauren and Jordan Gardner were unsurprised. Lauren said: “We’re both professionals on high-wage jobs with side hustles, so a shithole was always a dream.
“The place last week where you slept on a shelf and shared a bathroom with a known pervert, do you think we could make that a shithole? If we thought creatively?”