PREMATURE ejaculation can be an embarrassing biological reflex but there are times it can work in your favour, Roy Hobbs explains.
Sex in the shower can keep the spark in your relationship alive, but the cost of living crisis isn’t over yet and water and electricity aren’t cheap. When my wife joined me for an erotic wash, it was all I could do to get hard while picturing our next energy bill. Mercifully, my overly-sensitive genitals came to the rescue and we were towelling off in 30 seconds.
If you live in the city like me, decent dogging sites can take hours to drive to. This is a nightmare if you’re looking to squeeze in some exhibitionist fun on a work night, so count yourself lucky if the old boy gets carried away and blows its beans too soon. Even the onlookers will be grateful to call it a night relatively early.
Joining the mile-high club
Sex on a plane needs to happen quickly before other passengers and flight attendants get suspicious. This is not the time for epic tantric shags Sting would be proud of. You need to be in and out in less than a minute, which is impossible for all but the most delicate of cocks. If you have no self-restraint though, have at it.
Attending a Dutch brothel
Amsterdam truly is one of the world’s most beautiful cities. The less time spent in the red light district rocking a sex worker’s world, the more time you can spend at the Anne Frank museum. Or, more realistically, crashed out on your hotel bed after smoking a joint locals would describe as weak.
Back when my wife and I shared the same bed, we would sometimes start the day with some virile rutting. This reckless display of passion would cast our morning routines into disarray, with her missing the bus to work and me not having enough time to make a packed lunch. With every thrust I wished I had nutted in a timely manner.
CEOs are always ranting on about worker efficiency, but they never pay premature ejaculators their dues. When three o’clock hits and I sneak off to the loos for a cheeky hand shandy, I’m back at my desk ready to dive into some spreadsheets 60 seconds later. Because I’m a professional.