Sunday, 9th May 2021

Students trapped in halls resort to acting normally

STUDENTS locked down in university halls have begun acting like normal people, it has been confirmed. 

Freshers are discarding stupid affectations such as weird hats, fake accents and invented backstories as social isolation makes those things even more pointless.

First year Geography student Joshua Hudson said: “When I started university, I decided I’d be known as ‘the boots guy’ and always wear wellington boots. 

“But I can’t go outside, so now I just wear my socks like everyone else. I’ve still got the boots but I’ll probably just wear them normally from now on.”

English Literature student Grace Wood-Morris said: “I spent the first week saying things were ‘sick’ instead of ‘good’, but with no one new to impress I just went back to my normal accent and dialect. 

“It’s been days since I described anything as ‘bait’ and to be honest it feels liberating to admit I’m from the Home Counties.”

Refuse collectors on university routes have reported higher than usual amounts of trilbys, acoustic guitars and septum rings in their loads.