A SUPERMARKET queue is becoming unbearably tense due to a shortage of dividers.
Shoppers at an Asda in Knutsford are watching the till operator intently in order to grab a Toblerone-shaped plastic divider the moment one becomes available.
Office worker Tom Logan said: “I can’t relax until my shopping is demarcated with a little barrier standing there like a medieval town guard.
“I’m praying I get a divider soon because if my items bounce on the conveyor and get too close to the woman in front’s I might have to reach out and move them apart slightly.”
Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “If my shopping gets mixed up with the first few items belonging to the man behind me I’d have to buy them, because there’s no way a computerised scanning system would just let you delete something.
“He might think I was stealing his shopping and call the police. Then I’d have some waffles and courgettes I didn’t want and a criminal record.
“Probably I would lose my kids, spiral into an underworld existence and have to join a female biker gang called ‘the Razor Bitches’.”
Checkout operator Nikki Hollis said: “I particularly like it when someone puts a divider behind their shopping, which is basically telling the person after them to stay the fuck away from their granola.”