Thanks for bringing me breakfast in bed, now f**k off, says mum

A MUM whose family brought her breakfast in bed for Mother’s Day would quite like them all to fuck off and leave her to eat it in peace.

Emma Bradford’s family all piled into her bed after waking her up with a tray of cold toast, mug of watery tea and a daffodil in a wine glass.

The mum-of-two said: “They’ve stolen half my toast, spilt my tea and I am pretty sure my son just ate the daffodil.

“Oh god, now someone is singing Baby Shark while wiping jam on my pillow. I need a nap.

“And I know they’ll have trashed the kitchen and there’ll be crumbs in the butter and butter in the jam. So now I’ve got to change my bed sheets and clean the kitchen. Happy fucking Mother’s Day.

“You know what’s better than being woken up with breakfast in bed? Not being woken up at all. That’s what I want next year.”

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Highly advanced six-year-old already forgetting Mother's Day

A GIFTED six-year-old is already panic-buying a card and chocolates for his mother at a 24-hour garage, his proud father has confirmed.

While his peers were producing thoughtful home-made cards with heartfelt sentiments inside, Ryan Logan wowed his father by totally forgetting about Mother’s Day until he went to bed on Saturday night.

Dad Tom Logan said: “Normally they’re teenagers before they’re this thoughtless.

“Even though they’ve been on about it at school all week, it wasn’t until he was in the bath when he swore and said, ‘is tomorrow Mother’s Day?’

“I confirmed it was and he gave me £5 – which I later found was from my wallet – to go and get something from the garage, which just about covered the cheapest cards and a tiny box of Celebrations.

“Even then he didn’t write in the card until this morning during a Fortnite break. So grown up.”