Thatcher statue to be officially unveiled then officially toppled

A STATUE of Margaret Thatcher is to be erected then immediately pulled down and destroyed by a cheering crowd. 

The 15ft statue of the former prime minister will be officially unveiled in a lavish ceremony in Parliament Square, followed immediately by its official toppling.

A Royal Parks spokesman said: “This magnificent statue, honouring the greatest prime minister of the 20th century, will be officially presented to the public with a speech detailing her many achievements.

“The unveiling ceremony will then make way on the podium for the jeering mob who will list her many evils before knocking the statue over using a crane. They will then dance and cheer as it shatters on the ground.”

The spokesman added: “If it proves popular it could become an annual event.”

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90 per cent of holiday photos to be ruined by some fat-headed bastard

NINE out of ten holiday photos will be ruined by some fat-headed arsewit wandering into the frame, it has been confirmed.

Research has shown that the majority of photographs, whether of picturesque ruins, gorgeous sunsets or simply families at play, also included some nonplussed knobhead carrying a beach ball.

Photographer Tom Logan said: “On a busy Algrave beach you can understand why every picture is dominated by total strangers pulling their trunks out of their bumcracks, but it’s not just there.

“I’ve got pictures of Machu Picchu featuring some twat in a baseball cap, haunting shots of Angkor Wat where the only thing you notice is the obese dickhead with a plastic 7-11 bag, and images of the South Georgia glaciers complete with a slack-jawed wankstain being surprised at a penguin.

“I had a lovely time in Reykjavik recently, but when I scanned through several hundred images all I saw were fat-headed cretins gawping at the camera as if they’d never seen one before.

“You’d think it was the fucknut capital of the world. Which it isn’t, it’s really beautiful.”