Trevor Phillips: 'Nobody has ever said these things about racism before'

AS THE former chairman of the Commission for Racial Equality, I know explosive truths about race that the rest of the UK has never, ever discussed.

For example, radical Islamic terrorists often come from Muslim communities, and that some fear they may have been radicalised by hate preachers within their own religion.

Shocked? Of course you are. Because this has never been openly stated in Britain. Politicians, newspapers and ordinary people never, ever talk about these things. Ever.

In this country the worst crime you can be accused of is racism, which far outshines minor infractions like murder, armed robbery, forced slavery or urinating in a public place.

That is why statements like ‘multiculturalism may have drawbacks’, that ‘Romanians are more likely to be pickpockets than copyright lawyers’, and that ‘Indian women work in pharmacies’ have never been uttered – until now – and thus your world has remained safely intact.

I may have cause to regret saying the unsayable. It could be that a political party might seize on these hitherto unknown fractures in our post-racial utopia and attempt to use them to gain votes, though that’s extremely unlikely.

But I believe that tearing the scales from our eyes and discussing race for the first time in decades will lead to a better, happier Britain, and that no newspaper editor will deliberately misinterpret a single thing I’ve said.

Finally, I am not the Trevor Philips from Grand Theft Auto. He is a mass-murdering American psychopath who spells his name with one ‘l’, and I am an educated politician and broadcaster.

Also he is white and I am black, though I’m sure that no-one, including the Daily Mail, has noticed that.


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Grant Shapps confesses to second job as The Equalizer

CONSERVATIVE chairman Grant Shapps has admitted he had a second job as a vigilante delivering street justice while an MP.

Shapps, who publicised his services in the Free Ads, specialised in helping innocent people facing overwhelming odds and usually killed two to eight bad guys per assignment.

He said: “I was so focused on my role as an angel of mercy to those labouring under the yoke of oppression, I forgot to declare it to Parliament.

“Sometimes I’d arrive in the House still holding a smoking M1 carbine, fresh from mowing down drug dealers intent on turning a single mother’s home into a crack den, and have to claim I’d found it in Parliament Square.

“Anyway, I gave it up after the embarrassing discovery that a dodgy businessman grifting small businesses with bullshit IT software was actually me under another name.”