BRITAIN'S trade unions have called for a ban on workplace tits, claiming they are demeaning to women and could block fire exits.
The TUC conference in Liverpool backed a motion condemning workplace boob culture and called on employers to make it easier for women to wear flat, sensible breasts.
Lorraine Hayes, a Unison shop steward from Doncaster, told delegates: "We're not being killjoys. Big boobs can block designated escape routes and carry a suffocation risk.
"We've all seen the noted workplace documentary Carry On Doctor, where Hattie Jacques almost smothers a defenceless Kenneth Connor while trying to take his temperature."
The conference backed a motion for comprehensive risk assessments to be carried out on workplace knockers with any tits deemed hazardous to be cordoned off with yellow boob tape.
Robin Askwith, managing director of the Cheeky Chappy Window Cleaning Company, said: "I am absolutely committed to gender equality in my workplace, therefore I will ensure there is no breach in health and safety by inspecting all the knockers myself."
He added: "Anyone with really huge melons will be offered boob management training aimed at helping them to handle their own and each other's charlies.
"The sessions will be facilitated by myself, in my jacuzzi, on dates to correspond with my wife going to see her sister in Australia."
But Tory MP Nadine Dorries dismissed the TUC's health and safety concerns, adding: "I'm five foot three and need every inch of my fabulous rack to ensure my male colleagues don't look me in the eye."
