Unions silenced by chimpanzee tube driver

TRANSPORT unions have been forced into a tactical rethink after it emerged a four year-old male chimpanzee is working on the Bakerloo line.

Tube drivers cannot do this

Bok-Bok, originally from Sierra Leone but currently based in Ealing, earns a nominal fee of £20 a year which he throws down the toilet.

A London Underground spokesman said: “We had the idea of recruiting chimps after reading that they had 94% human DNA and are capable of empathy and therefore superior to Bob Crow on both counts.

“We trained Bok-Bok using raisins. He was up to speed in about 35 minutes.

“He does tend to masturbate a lot and defecate in the cab but as he’s not on strike every five fucking minutes we’re more than happy to clean up his expulsions.”

He added: “We’re not celebrating yet but we do think Bok-Bok could be game, set and match.”

Transport workers have recently been awarded a 10% bonus for considering turning up for a spot of doing their jobs during the Olympics.

But testicle-headed union boss Bob Crow had been plotting further strike action over the withdrawal of out of date Vimto from staff room vending machines.

He said last night: “Yeah, but can the chimpanzee, you know, help an old lady who has fallen over or something?”